Covid Brain Mishaps and Cognitive Deficiencies...The things that cause me frustration, tears, despair, and fear of what is happening to me...

This is a page where I will describe cognitive deficits I've experienced as well as any new things that arise.  Some things are simple "Covid brain" mishaps while others are serious cognitive dysfunctions that, at times, make me think I'm losing my mind and wonder if I will ever be "ME" again.  This page will be a working document as I think of things or new things arise.

November 2021
I was attempting to use the copier at work.  I scanned my badge over and over, and it would not respond.  It wasn't until my best friend, who is also currently the school secretary, walked by, saw what I was doing, and pointed to the correct spot.  I was literally trying to scan my badge, over and over, on a blank area of white plastic instead of on the scanner.  When I got home, I was in tears, could not even get the words out because I was crying as I tried to explain to my husband what I had done.  That's when I really began to question, "What is wrong with me?"

December 2021

Christmas Eve I was hosting my family to celebrate the holidays.  It had already been a challenge.  I had to cut way back on the things I normally made, the amount of preparation, the cooking, the cleaning, the baking, and the decorating.  It was a huge effort just to do the minimal things I did do for the gathering.  Not to mention the financial piece because I'd missed quite a bit of work, and docked pay on paychecks during the holidays were especially painful.  (I had no idea at the time how much worse that aspect of this journey was going to get!)

My dad was going to make himself a cup of coffee with our Keurig.  Several months earlier something had worn out on our Keurig, so there is a little "trick" to bringing the top part of the kcup area back down once you've put the kcup in place.  I make myself an iced coffee protein shake almost every morning, so I don't even think about it.  It's literally just muscle memory for me.  Or so I thought.  When I attempted to help my dad when he asked me, "How do you work this thing?" I couldn't figure it out.  I pushed and pulled and tried this or that, but could not remember what the "trick" was.  It took me several minutes to figure it out.  I eventually did, but not before being very flustered, shaken, and fighting back tears because, again, I didn't understand what was going on with me.  

Anomic Aphasia

Throughout this post-Covid nightmare, I have experienced so much trouble thinking of words.  As someone who prides herself on her vocabulary, on being well-spoken and articulate, this is really troublesome to me, on top of being scary.  I will try to recall a word, and it is as if I'm looking at darkness.  I can often give examples of 20 synonyms that are KIND OF similar, but not that exact word.  I will Google, describe it to others, look for it in articles on the subject I'm trying to write or talk about, anything I can think of that might help me locate it in my brain.  It's absolutely maddening.  The interesting thing is, once I am told that word or discover it through researching it, then it sticks, as though I've stamped it on my brain.  

Processing Speed and Working Memory

I have really struggled with comprehension, and it seems as though this symptom increases and decreases daily.  I do know it is worse when I am tired, stressed, or anxious.  However, in life, those are feelings you often have, so to just never be tired, stressed or anxious in order to not increase the difficulties with processing speed and working memory is difficult, if not impossible.  

Concentration and Attention

My concentration is almost non-existent at times.  I absolutely cannot have ANY distractions.  I cannot divide my attention.  If I need to do two things (speak while unloading the dishwasher, for example), I am not able to do that.  I need to either stop talking until I'm finished or stop unloading until I have finished saying what I need to say.  

I cannot listen to music while working.  This makes me so sad because music is a huge part of my life.  When working in my classroom, doing housework, driving, anything and everything, music has always been playing, it was a MUST in order for me to feel I was being as productive as possible.  Now, it makes my brain literally throb inside the front of my skull.  There is a very distinct area of my brain that will feel like a knife is stabbing into my head when my brain is being forced to tolerate what now feels like "nuisance noise".  I hate this.  It's something I really miss.  

February 28, 2022

This was the last time a drove.  My dizziness along with slow processing speed mean driving is a safety risk to both me and anyone else on the road.  I will sometimes just turn my head to the side and the room is suddenly spinning.  Sometimes it doesn't even take that much to cause it.  There's no warning, and there's no specific situation that brings it on.  This alone is scary in terms of driving.  

But, as a passenger, I have realized my processing speed is too slow to be able to safely drive.  When we are in a situation where brakes have to be suddenly applied, I have begun to notice that it's almost like I'm watching in slow motion.  My eyes will track back and forth between other vehicles and objects, and before I've finished processing the situation and realizing what has happened, Rob will have already hit the brakes, sped up, slowed down, whatever needed done, while my brain is still processing the situation and assessing the situation.  Unfortunately, when driving there isn't "think time".  

Random "Covid Brain" Mishaps and Symptoms

• Forget to turn burners off...often
• Run pots of food over
• Started a fire (just one!)
• Buttered both sides of one piece of toast and none on the other piece
• In the shower, I can't remember what I've done and not done as far as shampoo, conditioner, washing my face,
• I can stare straight at something or someone and not see them, have no idea if they have spoken, made sound, etc.
• No concept of time-what feels like it's been 5 minutes will actually be 20 or 25; when it's 10:00 P.M., I will expect the clock to only say 7:00 P.M.  This also causes me to struggle with being ready on time and managing tasks in a timely manner.