The Family We Choose

There are so many old sayings such as "blood is thicker than water" and "family is family" and other such quotes.  Those sentiments are framed as wall art, embroidered on pillows, and stated over and over on television shows, movies, books, and even in memes on social media.  However, I do not believe that is always the case.  There are also sayings about finding out who your true friends are when you go through hard times.  Now this I absolutely do believe is infinitely true.

In the last 18 months, as I've dealt with the many symptoms of Long Covid along with complete financial devastation due to loss of wages while going through an 11-month delay in receiving my disability insurance benefits, I truly learned who is there for me, who has my back, and who I consider "family".  Are some of them family, either by blood, adoption, or marriage?  Absolutely.  Are some of them colleagues, friends, neighbors, and strangers?  Again, absolutely.  I have family members who have never once checked in on me or asked how I was doing.  I have family members who have made care packages, brought us suppers, dropped off treats and still check in on me regularly.  I have friends who have shown up to sit beside me at an emotional school board meeting, covered the cost to have my house deep-cleaned, text me weekly to see how I'm doing, bring me coffee, and make an effort to see me.  Others, who I thought were good friends have never reached out, or as time has gone on, have just kind of drifted on with their own lives, separate from me.  

Last year, while battling for my disability insurance to pay what was owed to me, I was completely overwhelmed by the generosity of so many people who I never expected to show the support they did.  People donated time, money, resources, emotional support, and compassion in a way I never could have imagined. Some of these were people I didn't know well, who were parents of students, community members, and anonymous donors who showed unimaginable kindness. I always said that when we were in a position to pay it forward, I absolutely would.  That's what I have been trying to do this year, now that things have calmed down, now that I have the ability to offer those same things to others that they offered to me during a difficult time. 

Yes, we have family.  But family isn't just those related to us.  For me, family is not just formed by blood, but by love.  I read a quote from Elizabeth Warren (that she credited to others before her) that really stuck with me.  "If you don't have a seat at the table, you're probably on the menu."  That's not a table anyone should even want to sit at.  Get your own table and fill the chairs with the family that you deserve to be sitting there with you.